I left corporate life almost a year and half ago. To reconnect with my family. To recenter myself. As an introvert, leaving the corporate world and thinking I could simply take care of kids and work at my husband's masonry company and still somehow stay connected to myself - laughable. But I learned some really important things.
What did I learn?
As an Agile Coach, I'm challenged daily to improve myself. So much of that improvement was only implemented at work. Sometimes it seems like I can only implement certain ways of behaving and thinking in one dimension of my life. The other dimension just stays the same. I'm not sure why. I learned some really important things while away from work. I hope now to apply those things in the work dimension of my life.
I learned to love my oldest son better. Funny how you can connect with people that you work with day in and day out, but you have a hard time connecting with those closest to you. Sometimes I feel sorry for my oldest son. He's the guinea pig in this parenting experiment and there have been lots of failed attempts with that one! It turns out, he likes hugs and being tickled. The being tickled thing is something he's always liked. "Tickle my back! Tickle my leg! Mom, you missed a spot. Just one more minute. Thirty seconds. Please!" When my son gets mad, instead of being annoyed with him, I hug him. It works really well. Duh. #lovewins
I'm totally not a tactile person. But I've learned that a slight touch on the arm is a way of connecting with even strangers. My son taught me that hugs are a great love currency. I've since made a conscious effort to touch people on the arm when talking to them and I've hugged people that I've just met.
My daughter taught me what it means to be a light in the world. Everyone probably says this about their kids, but this one - this girl is a connector of people. When we have family over, she talks to every person and says hello to every person and says goodbye to every person, by name. When we are out shopping, she asks me if she can say hi to people and talks to the person at the checkout lane and says thank you and just lights up the world around her. She has these giant, piercing blue eyes. The kind of eyes that change color depending on the light and the color around her. They glow sometimes. She gets this scrunched up smile on her face when she's being goofy. She loves people. She practices shameless love. She also says "Mommy" over and over. She uses the word love ALL THE TIME. At trick or treating no matter what the candy was, she told the person "I love that one!" I'm totally cool now with feeling all of the love emotions. #lovewins
I am warmer to people now. I make an effort to pay attention to others lives, and it's not just a fake caring like I'm doing it for networking or personal gain. I actually really care. I talk to people in the elevator and at the grocery store WAY MORE. And people talk to me more. It's like she's opened up my heart or something.
And my new baby boy taught me that I don't call the shots! At three months old, he decided he did not want to breastfeed. He just was not having it. And so we stopped. And I let go of the need to control what he wanted. Also, this kid wants to stay a baby for as long as possible. My niece, who is just a month older than he is, holds her bottle, sits up and crawls, can stand while holding onto something, and is generally just looking to get out of this baby phase! My baby boy loves his bottle, loves to be held and cuddled, and prefers everything baby. But he has no desire to sit up, hold his own bottle, or crawl. I've learned to let go of achievement because of him. There is no reason to rush him into meeting someone else's milestones. He can do what he wants and I don't get to call the shots! He doesn't need to climb to the next phase as quickly as he can. He can just be what he is and become what he's becoming. With my oldest son, I read all of the BabyCenter milestone emails and made a mental checklist of what he was doing and not doing. I literally had a list of words he could say until he was like 2 years old and kept adding to it. Oh the achievement! Sheesh. I think the kiddos can feel that pressure, and they just don't need it. Because I love them anyway. #lovewins.
I don't feel the need to prove myself anymore. I'm not trying to climb the corporate ladder. I'm letting go of outcomes and just doing what I can to spread love into the world and especially at work. There's really enough to go around.
My kids taught me a lot over the last year and I'm so grateful to them. And I'm really glad to be back at work so I can apply what they've taught me.
And in the spirit of not being too focused on outcomes and achievement, I've spent about an hour total on this entry including edits. It's shipping as is.
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